#Me

Today was the last day of UCSI's Open Tournament.

Even though we lost the game, it is a worth, at least I gained some experience.

But before the game start..

All the balls was taken but RED's members and yet my team members wished to warm up before the game as well. 

I don't know why, out of sudden Alan scolded me and ask me to get the ball from them as that was KDU's balls.

I don't understand. Not like I don't want to get back the ball where I don't have the gut or I'm still small and don't dare to ask back the ball from them.

It was like not good to take back something when people is playing or using. I really don't understand why you need to raise up your voice?? I just don't understand. I felt damn bad that time. Did I done something wrong? Did I done something really really wrong? 

If, it was because those things and I made you fell into deep shit...I'm really sorry about it. I don't meant to. You have feeling, so do I have my owe thinking and feeling thou I used to happy come lucky go. 

What the hell~

I been trying to keep a distance. I'm damn screwed for today. 

I wanted to talk but I have to care about others people's feeling. 

Who going to care about my feeling?

My thinking is too simple until ignore the consequences that I have been cause??

Like I want? I really never thought that. We are just friend.

I don't meant to trigger your jealousy, it's all just friend's talk.

What do you think I wanna do??? How am I suppose to know every single word that you speak meant something? I know you like him, but you know I was with Kelvin. 

Can't I just be myself?

What you want me to do? 

Wear a mask like all the KL peoples do?

I don't like and I have to say I like?

I don't know... my feeling is damn confused right now.

Neither you nor him, you guys were one of those where I included as close friend all along when I was in PJ.

After the talk, it's seem like it was my fault where I actually owe you a duty of care..

My fault for giving him a wrong feeling.

My fault for triggering your jealousy.

My fault for appearing..

My fault for making you emo.

My fault for being innocent.

I just want everything to be simple. It's that hard?

You know what...I'm really stressed up.

I'm feeling I'm wearing mask right now.

I can't be myself.

This is totally out of my principals.

Each time I pat my heart and tell myself everything is going to be so fine, eventually nothing is going to be so fine...

Do you think only you emo inside and smiling outside?

Do you know that, each time when I feel something wrong and there is always a feeling I need to release. What will I do is, I will punch the wall until I felt the pain, till the indescribable feeling is released.

I'm a human being as well.

True that I'm happy come lucky go but I do have feeling. I do have sad feeling as well.

I don't know...things just happen too fast......just too fast......

I just need some time to calm down....

I guess I really need to sleep right now...