my BIG day!!!

oh yeah~ 30th of September!
At last! My turn to turn into an adult. LOL

To be honest, is kinda sad though.
I wished I could just stay forever 18 years old. Somehow, that's impossible. LOL

Oh well, what have I done for my big day. LOL
Honestly, nothing~ hahahhaa. The 'great' birthday ever when you are sick. LOL

Like seriously?!? I can't believe that I'M SICK! LOL
However, thanks for the wishes buddies, especially the wishes that came from US. LOL
Thanks a lot dude! *hugs* That really meant a lot to me. :)

Well, my 21st, I can't just let it be like that. May be I'm going to present myself a hand phone for this year. wakakakakka.
As a memory which wake me up reminding me life ain't good, no pain no gain~

There come my wishes part~
My first wish, I would like to present it to my family members. Wish them all with a good health, stay safe and happy always. May all their dreams come true.
Second, I wished I could finish up my degree with flying colours and made my family proud of it. First honour degree would be my target. Sheryi~ GOGOGO!
Thirdly, I would like to present it to the world. May all of them in this world surrounding with happiness. No more wars while just left the only peace countries and the happy peoples. :) Children, women nor men. They have their rights for living, for speech, for freedom. What left to them is all happiness. PEACE!
God bless everyone :)

This year! Nothing much celebration though is my "big" day. LOL
Last Friday~ Kelvin and all of them did give me a so called "surprise" party~ but to be honest that ain't surprise. hahahha~ May be my sixth sense are just too strong. LOL
Too bad~ but still....At least,someone celebrated it with me even though my family not going to celebrate with me. LOL.
But still I wished I could celebrate my day with my family. This will be my last birthday in Malaysia. My last celebration which I could celebrate together with them.
Anyway, birthday ain't meant anything. Just bared with it. LOL
Life still goes on. HAHA

Is 7.20pm, MY BIRTHDAY is almost gone~ hahaha.
HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY, SHERYI! MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE. :)

SHit~

Countdown...
2 more days...will be my 21st birthday.
Time passed really fast, 20 years...I been living in this world for the past 21 years.

Today, when I was with Alan at the Econsave....
Out of sudden, Malissa called me and asked me out just for Cheah Yee Hong's Birthday celebration.
HaHa. It was a surprised, I guess it had been some time we didn't actually meet up or what ever is it.
Birthday celebration...don't know why...there was some blue feeling in me.
It's sounds like, same goes to today the photo session with my classmates.
I felt a bit sour actually...my birthday...I guess except Yvonne...who was the one who actually still remember my birthday...who else will be if theyre is no reminded or what ever.. hahaha

Even my dad and mum don't remember that and how sad case was...they are not going to celebrate my 21st birthday. hahaha.
My 21st birthday....I don't know why...I don't care about my others birthday...but it was my 21st birthday...hahaha...
Somehow, they did ask me whether wanna a birthday party or not. Supposingly, it is a yes...but later my mum suggest what about we go some steak house and celebrate...I'm actually just fine with it...
I know, it's a messed and troublesome if to held a party just to celebrate my birthday...Plus, they no longer as young as last time. I'm just all fine, even with a cake with my family..I guess it will be my last birthday with them. After those years, I will be all by myself...
However, plan changed...it been postponed till this coming December.
What's the point of celebrating? It's sounds like just a family gathering, there no longer a thing which worth to celebrate. hahaha
I'm just feeling....haiz...
Is okay~ it been damn years that they did not celebrate with me...Sometimes, they don;t even remember my birthday. It should be all fine. What's the big deal.....

Feeling better right now...just forget about everything. Don't even think of it...just make it like last time....who cares about your birthday. Not like peoples must remember your birthday...Joke right? hahaha

Really can't imagine that i'm 21 years old and will be officially upgrade as an adult.
Kinda unwillingly, hahaha...I guess it's good that no one remember your birthday...at least you are forever young. LOL.

21st birthday...What am I suppose to make this memorable?? Present myself a watch? a phone? or a camera? hahahahahaha...sounds like I really need to work hard though. They ain't cheap stuff. LOL
My 21st birthday...LOL.

Beside this, don't know why...today was the first day that I don't feel like going for dodgeball training.
May be, it's really happen a lot of things until it ruined my mood for attending.
Interpreting. I am hoping, really hoping that the feeling that I owed wasn't right.
I really don't hope that Chong Inn is that kind of backstabbing person.
We have been a while. May be I don't know everything about him, but at least I knew him and he is the one that I can consider as a close friend.
Will he be the second fella just like Peter?
I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for it. I told myself he ain't that bad and he is not that kind of person.
I'm just wished to have fun. That's all what I want from the club, from the training.
Is that...that hard???
Sometimes, I do feel like asking the God, why is He taking away all my close friends and turned them into a beast.
Why???
I don't understand...Really don't understand.
I'm laughing...I guess...

#my Heart

I'm speechless right now. Totally speechless.
Even though I'm keeping distance, apparently...I'm still losing them as friend.
Friend forever?? As you said, always.
LOL. This is just a joke??
Friend...fine~
The more I care the worst I feel.
Anyway...I'm just found my self who was a noob and you are the one who gradually became a stranger to me.

Frankly speaking, you will never know how I feel right now.
No matter Sammy or you....
I guess, I made a wrong move?
I'm trying to help but end up locking myself into deep shit.
I'm just too stupid.
It's always like the more I care, the worst I get.
No pain, no gain no longer sounds logic in this situation.

"I don't care any more."
It's always sounds much more easier to say than action.

I'm having lots of things to be settle right now.
Doing part time while studying.
And yet, this Sem was a sem that really stressed me up a lot.
And now you guys treat me like that.
Am I that stupid? Where you guys can just throw away after using me?
Great one~
Nice job buddy.
Thank you. What have I done wrong?

Haiz~~
*pat pat. Everything is going to be so fine.
Yea...Everything going to be so fine.

#Me

Today was the last day of UCSI's Open Tournament.

Even though we lost the game, it is a worth, at least I gained some experience.

But before the game start..

All the balls was taken but RED's members and yet my team members wished to warm up before the game as well. 

I don't know why, out of sudden Alan scolded me and ask me to get the ball from them as that was KDU's balls.

I don't understand. Not like I don't want to get back the ball where I don't have the gut or I'm still small and don't dare to ask back the ball from them.

It was like not good to take back something when people is playing or using. I really don't understand why you need to raise up your voice?? I just don't understand. I felt damn bad that time. Did I done something wrong? Did I done something really really wrong? 

If, it was because those things and I made you fell into deep shit...I'm really sorry about it. I don't meant to. You have feeling, so do I have my owe thinking and feeling thou I used to happy come lucky go. 

What the hell~

I been trying to keep a distance. I'm damn screwed for today. 

I wanted to talk but I have to care about others people's feeling. 

Who going to care about my feeling?

My thinking is too simple until ignore the consequences that I have been cause??

Like I want? I really never thought that. We are just friend.

I don't meant to trigger your jealousy, it's all just friend's talk.

What do you think I wanna do??? How am I suppose to know every single word that you speak meant something? I know you like him, but you know I was with Kelvin. 

Can't I just be myself?

What you want me to do? 

Wear a mask like all the KL peoples do?

I don't like and I have to say I like?

I don't know... my feeling is damn confused right now.

Neither you nor him, you guys were one of those where I included as close friend all along when I was in PJ.

After the talk, it's seem like it was my fault where I actually owe you a duty of care..

My fault for giving him a wrong feeling.

My fault for triggering your jealousy.

My fault for appearing..

My fault for making you emo.

My fault for being innocent.

I just want everything to be simple. It's that hard?

You know what...I'm really stressed up.

I'm feeling I'm wearing mask right now.

I can't be myself.

This is totally out of my principals.

Each time I pat my heart and tell myself everything is going to be so fine, eventually nothing is going to be so fine...

Do you think only you emo inside and smiling outside?

Do you know that, each time when I feel something wrong and there is always a feeling I need to release. What will I do is, I will punch the wall until I felt the pain, till the indescribable feeling is released.

I'm a human being as well.

True that I'm happy come lucky go but I do have feeling. I do have sad feeling as well.

I don't know...things just happen too fast......just too fast......

I just need some time to calm down....

I guess I really need to sleep right now...

#Thankful ^^

Oh well...Feeling better now...

Was damn gloomy for the day before.
But feeling much more better right now...
Feeling grateful for the post which pope out in my eyes for no reason.

"When somebody ignore you, don't be sad :) as they are not meant to be accompany you as always, they do have their owe life as well."

True~ Sorry for being too sensitive. My Bad. :(

Dear Diary,
I don't know...
That's the right choice when you choose for being alone.
At least you won't feel much feeling...at least you won't have the feeling like the whole world is abandoning you.
Peoples who around you are ignoring you.

As simple as I can, I just wanna live with a smile or may be laugh where I can really keep as memories.
Nothing is impossible. :)
True~

Today was my first time, seeing the damn quarrel happen between Chong Inn and Alan.
What was my first feeling was, go to the front and stop them.
But out of sudden, something pull me back and my heart told me that I shouldn't, as what Alan told me before because I can't stop them.
Oh well, I really wished I could as we are friends dude. No quarrel between friends just because of minor thingy?? My God!

And it also my first time where accident happen just infront of me when I wanted to cross the road. Thank God! For taking care of me and made it happen just before I step out of the road. It was so close....I was screaming, hopefully no one saw that. LOL.

What a first time huh?!?! *should I feel lucky about it? LOL

Somehow, I still hope things can just go smoothly after today. :)
Appreciate it much much more than what I can say. LOL
And good news was, Chong Inn finally!!!! Yeah!!! ^^
We can just like last time!!!
Along the weeks, I guess this was the time I actually speak more than usual after the thing happen..HMMM~ well, I guess I should said whatapps-ing with him more that verbal conversation. LOL
Feeling great and thankful :)

#What a Dumb ASS will do

I don't know why...I'm just feeling damn gloom right now.
I'm just feeling everything not coming that smooth as what I expected.
Even that darn printer are trying  to bully me.
Moving and not moving. Like seriously and what the hell.

The saddest part was the promise that has been made.
I don't understand. What means by promise?
I know... when the time I decide to walk off from the circle. I guess the promise no longer belongs to me.
Why am I still eager to hold on to that promise that doesn't belong to me?
And who cares, even yourself not keen about it. Who am I be there to care about it.
Just forget about it then. That's how a promise would hurt someone.

Beside that, Don't know why...I felt myself no longer able to join their's world.
I'm kinda started to regret for moving over to this house.
At least when I was in Aunty Monica's house...I won't care much and that's only me and my room.
I won't care what my dinner gonna have, I won't care who is joining me for dinner nor lunch. I can just eat what ever I want even alone cooking for just only me.
Somehow, when I was here and I started to use to go lunch and dinner with them...It's silently became part of my life.
When out of sudden, it will made me feel much more lonely when their are not around just like today.
I really hate this feeling.
I hate peoples interrupting my life and made a full-stop when I used to it.

People has their own life to go. Go after a girl or may be out of sudden a girl go after one of your friend...
Anyhow, All is just my problems.
Eventually Friday night we are going to watch movie together, somehow...
*laugh. I don't know. "Are you okay with it? Let's see how?" *laugh. Can I just say not okay? What's the NO means??? Eventually you guys have decided how the plan goes. Why ask me? Just for the sick of asking?
This really made me feel like more dumb as usual. Why made this?

When you used to it, but out of sudden peoples tend to forget your available.
*laugh. I know right~ That's funny...
I'm a weirdo. I used to live alone all the way. Yeah~ That's the way I live for.
Friends....
I'm just too selfish. I'm really sorry about it.