#the Silent Memories

Memories~
When there is dawn will there be another shinning sun rise??

I was in a relationship, at last, for the past 20 years.
I can't believe that he is the one who is the first one who step into my border line.
and he is the one who I'm actually allowing him to step into. LOL. He kinda daring though. LOL

It is true that, I am having a new relationship, isn't it should be a happy?
Somehow, I don't know why... I realized when I learn to accept something new, I loses something old, I loses something that I used to be...
Eventually, I felt that I lost a friend that I can speak to.

Yesterday, Kelvin asked me why? What am I thinking?
I feel like telling him, but I was stopped. I don't know whether am I suppose to tell him what I'm feeling right now.
I'm certainly no regret for starting a new relationship with Kelvin.
However, at the same time...I don't feel like losing a friend that I used to close to.
On the facts, I'm losing him as my close friend.

I don't mind going together with him in the same car to dodgeball.
I don't mind having meal with him.
Just that.. what I felt was, being fencing off by him.
He is actually trying to avoid me.
I told myself...it is okay~ just give him some time. I can't be that selfish. He need time to recover.
Eventually I knew that it is hurt. I'm sorry. I don't meant to.
What I hope was, can we just be something like last time??? We talk, we play, we joke, we whatapps...
But I just found out...it seem like impossible any more.
What bond that we left was the debts that I owed him.

When the dawn goes, will the sun rise exactly the same like yesterday?
When the rains come, will the same rainbow shown like yesterday?

Am I doing the right thing??
I don't know who can I tell.
I really don't know.
I am worried things might change again if I speak it out.
At least now, I'm the only one who feeling sad about it.
I'm just a trouble. I'm sorry...I'm really sorry about it.
I really don't meant to built any happiness out from your wounds.
What I always hope was we can just like last time.....
I'm just dreaming i guess...

Haiz..but please don't smoke any more. This is what you have promised me.
Even the result wasn't that expected by you nor me.
But please don't smoke any more.
I don't know am I dreaming or what ever, I smell a sense of smoke when you was back to the room.
I hope that was just my mistake.
As I still believed that you are the one who won't break promises...

*pat pat* Everything going to be so fine.
I feel like what can I do now, is appear less until he really speak to me for once again without any boundaries or fencing.
I'm sorry Choong Inn. I'm really sorry about everything. I don't meant to. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.