I guess~
I should give a try on this method.
Write down, state down what ever that I have done for the day including the moment that I thought of you.
Basically, today... I skipped the Contract class just because for a test that I am worried about. I skipped the class and hide inside the library. Funny joke~ Why am I that useless??
Such a coward! *ironically laugh*
When I was in the library doing my revision for Contract, I sound my ears with one of my favorite song, "Bitter Sweet" and I thought of you.
In that moment, I felt like an useless.
I felt so gloomy out of a sudden~ and feel like crying..
The second time was when I saw a friend..
Who named Geetha~ she was an Indian.
and what I found it interesting was..
She is exactly doing what ever things that I have done.
She is exactly on the path that I had been before.
She was fall to a guy named Patrick, but of cause..mine was not Patrick.
However, this was not the main point. The main point was, their relationship was like our relationship.
The only different was, they are Indian and we are Chinese.
Somehow, I hoped that yours was a happy ending as mine was...not a sad ending..hmmm~ kind of..not a good ending??
ahhhh~ screwed it! Whatever!
I told Farah that, what ever that I had been go through.
That's why...
I am totally understand what was that feeling.
I am totally understand how Geetha felt about it.
Me, who was a freaking idiot told almost everything about myself to him which similar to things that Geetha had done right now.
It is totally like, she is walking on the path, my previous path that I had gone through.
So silly..
I guess he is laughing when I told him about myself. May be he will think that I'm that fake, who are trying to search for sympathy from him? Who knows.. Right?
Anyway~
I'm kind of agreed with the statement that Farah had made.
"Girls shouldn't make the first move because it always made girls look stupid and desperate."
True~ fair enough.
I'm the sample. That freaking idiot.
I felt like...not me...
When I was alone, things just flied over... memories just flashed over...
I felt like, I am an useless fella..
as what Chinese used to say:"窝囊"
Day by day, what can made me feel better was this quote:
"Sometimes, our "problem" seen to be as big as the shadows...but actually they are little."
As I always do...*pat my heart and take a deep breath*
tell myself that: everything is going to be so fine..Gambatteh!"
I named this post as 冰沙の記憶 #the snow
Just like snow...
You can't keep snow as it will melt.
Once it is melted, what lelf was the memories between you and the snow...
What was left was, the feeling between you and the snow...
You can't keep it, you can't see once winter is over.
Even though how desperate you are, it is over...
What left was the memories and the feeling between you and the snow, just like he and me.
I won't said that he cheated on me or he hurt my feeling.
Instead, I will consider that as I hurt myself as to be honest..he did not promise anything.
As I 'm the only freaking idiot who thought that everything is right.
Seriously~ I can even laugh at myself, how silly am I!
"Bitter sweet" was one of my favorite song as it was my memories..
Honestly, I'm thankful~
Instead of hate you, I prefer to say thank you.
Thank you for creating memories with me..
I'm silly..I know..but at least there are some memories that worthy.
I like the most was when we are skating on ice.
Even though, I don't really know how to skate, or don't even know how to skate..
but~ that was my first time of playing it after so many years of living in this earth which might be gone in one day.
At least~ when I was thankful~
I feel better even though I am an idiot~
I know I'm contradicting myself.
But this is how I felt...right now..
Honestly~ Gambatteh!
As I love to say, when Malaysia Boleh! I pun boleh!
It just a matter of time~
加油！ ↖(^ω^)↗
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