Somehow...I don't know~ actually I knew that he had read my blog and he knew everything about the crush...and not only he knew about my blog as well as someone else..
Suddenly, I felt like insecure. Honestly, I don't hope everyone to know about my past, my feeling...
especially the crush!
I need some space to phew out my feeling towards something instead of letting people know about it.
So, I decided to change the address of this blog.
Yea~
Honestly...I feel awkward sometimes...I don't know how to tell Z about that since Z is the one who asked me to beware of him. I just felt unpleasant about it. I felt miserable about it.
I felt sorry towards Z...Honestly, I like being with Z who was really nice and friendly. A friend who really worth for to be with.
I still remember that day after dodge ball, Z asked me about that crush...actually that is the day~ Tim read my blog...I wanted to tell Z but don't know why, my tongue tied up and can't speak even one word but "fuck". Honestly~ I don't mean to lie but my mood on that day was really fuck up! I really don't know how to face it! I really felt like an idiot! I felt like doing something so wrong.
I don't want him to know about the blog eventually I hope he know about the blog. I'm an idiot! Sucks man~
WHAT THE HELL I'M TRYING TO DO!
I even tell him about the thing that happen when I was only 3 to 4 years old which I had keep for myself for the pass 16 years, I don't even dare to tell my parents about it. I'm just trying to be my best and walk out form that unpleasant memory~ Eventually I told him about that. What am I doing?
*ironically smile* I guess he was laughing that time and think that I'm trying to create story and made him empathy on me! Or maybe think that I'm a crown who trying to entertain him. *ironically smile with tears*
This is why I choose to keep instead of telling anyone. I don't need empathy or sympathy. I don't need all of this~ I don't need it!
What am I doing? What am I doing?
What am I thinking? *sob*
*pat my heart* everything going to be so fine~ indeed! *cross finger*
I will be alright!
*ironically smile* I guess he was laughing that time and think that I'm trying to create story and made him empathy on me! Or maybe think that I'm a crown who trying to entertain him. *ironically smile with tears*
This is why I choose to keep instead of telling anyone. I don't need empathy or sympathy. I don't need all of this~ I don't need it!
What am I doing? What am I doing?
What am I thinking? *sob*
*pat my heart* everything going to be so fine~ indeed! *cross finger*
I will be alright!
No comments:
Post a Comment