#a Song that means a lot

This is Christmas by New Heights

Verse 1
Snow is falling all around her, the lights are shining bright tonight
It's easy to think that she is glowing, but nothing's ever feeling right
Remembering the fire burning, the presents underneath the tree
She's feeling alone with no one coming, home this Christmas Eve

Chorus
This is the year that we're changing
This is the moment we've waited,
This is when we remember what we're made for
This is a time that we're hoping
Seasons coming and going
This is when we remember what we're made for

Verse 2
the Sun is breaking through the darkness, we see it in the bursting light
we're coming to see that hope is moving, and things are gonna be alright
if we could only find a reason to let a broken heart believe
that all the worst is overridden, so open your eyes to see

Chorus
This is the year that we're changing
This is the moment we've waited,
This is when we remember what we're made for
This is a time that we're hoping
Seasons coming and going
This is when we remember what we're made for

Bridge
There's a lot to think of, can be overwhelming
But this is where we come back to the start
Of all things created, it's extraordinary
Love

Chorus
This is the year that we're changing
This is the moment we've waited,
This is when we remember what we're made for
This is a time that we're hoping
Seasons coming and going
This is when we remember what we're made for

~~~~~
This was the song he sent to me after I told him about my memory which I'm trying my best to forget.
Which I'm trying my best to walk out from there.
I don't know~
I don't know what do it means to him by sending this song to me.
However, it means a lot to me.
I was thinking am I the "her" in that lyric.
Do you know that, I'm actually crying when I'm listening to this song.
A song which tell me...everything is going to be so fine and I won't be alone anymore...
I don't know~ I really don't know~
I been alone for so many years~ What am I actually expecting?
Someone who can protect me? *ironically laugh*
Don't ever try to dream or think about that!
It won't happen on you!
Wake up idiot! There is still lots of things that waiting for you....
Don't ever try to forget your responsible.
Your responsible towards your family, your promise towards your parents and your promise towards yourself......hah~~~

*pat my heart* everything is going to be so fine...
Remember?? Happy is your key of life. Laugh like no bodies care is your POWER OF LIFE~
yea~ everything is going to be so fine.......

#miserable

Yesterday...Rise of the Guardian was my first movie only both of us.

Somehow...I don't know~ actually I knew that he had read my blog and he knew everything about the crush...and not only he knew about my blog as well as someone else..

Suddenly, I felt like insecure. Honestly, I don't hope everyone to know about my past, my feeling...

especially the crush! 

I need some space to phew out my feeling towards something instead of letting people know about it.

So, I decided to change the address of this blog.

Yea~

Honestly...I feel awkward sometimes...I don't know how to tell Z about that since Z is the one who asked me to beware of him. I just felt unpleasant about it. I felt miserable about it. 

I felt sorry towards Z...Honestly, I like being with Z who was really nice and friendly. A friend who really worth for to be with.

I still remember that day after dodge ball, Z asked me about that crush...actually that is the day~ Tim read my blog...I wanted to tell Z but don't know why, my tongue tied up and can't speak even one word but "fuck". Honestly~ I don't mean to lie but my mood on that day was really fuck up! I really don't know how to face it!  I really felt like an idiot! I felt like doing something so wrong.

I don't want him to know about the blog eventually I hope he know about the blog. I'm an idiot! Sucks man~

WHAT THE HELL I'M TRYING TO DO!

I even tell him about the thing that happen when I was only 3 to 4 years old which I had keep for myself for the pass 16 years, I don't even dare to tell my parents about it. I'm just trying to be my best and walk out form that unpleasant memory~ Eventually I told him about that. What am I doing?
*ironically smile* I guess he was laughing that time and think that I'm trying to create story and made him empathy on me! Or maybe think that I'm a crown who trying to entertain him. *ironically smile with tears*
This is why I choose to keep instead of telling anyone. I don't need empathy or sympathy. I don't need all of this~ I don't need it!
What am I doing? What am I doing?
What am I thinking?  *sob*

*pat my heart* everything going to be so fine~ indeed! *cross finger*
I will be alright!

#my Heart~

I'm feeling gloomy and emotional for nowadays~ Even my friends asked me why am I so emo.
I like Geetha's statement, she said guys are so troublesome and always made girls' life in a deep shit and ruin our mood. hahahaha...indeed!

Sometimes, I would like to ask God, what is love?
What it actually means? I felt miserable and always asked myself~ should I get involve into a relationship.
This is insane! My final is around the corner! Why am I thinking!

Somehow, I don't feel like he like me as well. I means it might be in term of friendship like not those lover type.
Honestly, he don't seem like my type but I don't know why am I having a crush on him!
I remembered we went to eat burger during a promotion day. I forgot to bring my student ID and he said he had an extra. So, I was like okay~ When we reached that place, the queue was long and a long the way, he was busy messaging. *ironically smile* and he said she was his pet sister and his extra student ID was a girl's ID card.
I was like:"yea~" I don't know~ Flirting around was your talent! I don't have the right to ask you not to do since that was your lifestyle! I'm just felt that I'm stupid! I'm an idiot! Why am I care about so much when you don't even care about it. I felt that I'm just like a fool~ a crown!

I have a friend, let's called it Z, who asked me to beware of him because I still don't know his real personality. Both of his ex-girlfriends also mention about insecure. Yea~ I knew about that. I might don't know the real personality of you but this was a truth that I'm having a crush on you.
I 'm such a fool!
Form 2, Form 5. Form 6...*ironically smile* I had crushed with 3 peoples before you, but....I'm a coward! I don't even dare to move the first step!
Might be because, too many stuff that needed me to consider about.
I have to consider about my parents who do not agree and do not allow me to have a relationship with a guy.
I have to consider about the guy's feeling which he have to suffer with me. For him, I felt that it is unfair. He don't have to.
Yea~ it might be some lame excuses that I'm giving....hah~ I 'm a coward!
I told you that my heart is strong enough to handle everything..but in fact! I'm not! I'm just an ordinary girl like others. I just a girl who don't like to cry in front of peoples. I'm just a girl who like keep secret, feeling... to myself. I'm just a girl who is not special at all.....
Yea~ *pat my heart* everything going to be so fine!
Yea~ everything is going to be so fine! Smile and laugh like no bodies care!

Thank you Diary~ thank you for being my garbage bin for the pass few years~