#the Silent Memories

Memories~
When there is dawn will there be another shinning sun rise??

I was in a relationship, at last, for the past 20 years.
I can't believe that he is the one who is the first one who step into my border line.
and he is the one who I'm actually allowing him to step into. LOL. He kinda daring though. LOL

It is true that, I am having a new relationship, isn't it should be a happy?
Somehow, I don't know why... I realized when I learn to accept something new, I loses something old, I loses something that I used to be...
Eventually, I felt that I lost a friend that I can speak to.

Yesterday, Kelvin asked me why? What am I thinking?
I feel like telling him, but I was stopped. I don't know whether am I suppose to tell him what I'm feeling right now.
I'm certainly no regret for starting a new relationship with Kelvin.
However, at the same time...I don't feel like losing a friend that I used to close to.
On the facts, I'm losing him as my close friend.

I don't mind going together with him in the same car to dodgeball.
I don't mind having meal with him.
Just that.. what I felt was, being fencing off by him.
He is actually trying to avoid me.
I told myself...it is okay~ just give him some time. I can't be that selfish. He need time to recover.
Eventually I knew that it is hurt. I'm sorry. I don't meant to.
What I hope was, can we just be something like last time??? We talk, we play, we joke, we whatapps...
But I just found out...it seem like impossible any more.
What bond that we left was the debts that I owed him.

When the dawn goes, will the sun rise exactly the same like yesterday?
When the rains come, will the same rainbow shown like yesterday?

Am I doing the right thing??
I don't know who can I tell.
I really don't know.
I am worried things might change again if I speak it out.
At least now, I'm the only one who feeling sad about it.
I'm just a trouble. I'm sorry...I'm really sorry about it.
I really don't meant to built any happiness out from your wounds.
What I always hope was we can just like last time.....
I'm just dreaming i guess...

Haiz..but please don't smoke any more. This is what you have promised me.
Even the result wasn't that expected by you nor me.
But please don't smoke any more.
I don't know am I dreaming or what ever, I smell a sense of smoke when you was back to the room.
I hope that was just my mistake.
As I still believed that you are the one who won't break promises...

*pat pat* Everything going to be so fine.
I feel like what can I do now, is appear less until he really speak to me for once again without any boundaries or fencing.
I'm sorry Choong Inn. I'm really sorry about everything. I don't meant to. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

冰沙の記憶· 点号 #the snow· full-stop

冰沙の記憶· 点号即将是这记忆的终点。

不管是华语或是英语。

这一片记忆会是我最后能够给予的。

原地跑步并不是个错误但却也不是件好事。

人海茫茫中，成长是必然，经过是必须。

感谢为我付出过的。

更感恩一度陪我成长的。

虽说，心跳声不再为你响起，而那答案更是出乎我意料地让我显得有点心酸，更是让我觉得我是个大傻瓜，大笨蛋，似乎傻到将近无可救药的极点。

原来，这一切都是幻想，都是幻觉。。你还真有这股力量。（笑）

那股能让我，还以为所有的一切还像真的似的。。。

但是，不管怎样。。还是感恩。

曾经有种念头要把所有在此与他的记忆一度给毁灭。。

把我所书写下的他，对他不论是感觉或是事物，一度给删除。

但，现在的我。。。想把它给留下。

没有任何的想要留念的理由，只是觉得。。这会是个美好的提点。好让我不再犯下同样的错误，更是不应拥有的幻想。

好让它提醒自己，不应再对任何人产生任何可笑的幻觉，不应再做出有的没的猜测。。。提醒自己，因该成长了。

老实话，到目前。。。我还是认为他不是个坏人。

谢谢你~

谢谢你让我成长。。。

很多时候，停留是一种勇敢，更是一种执着。

没有人会所知道，下一秒，下一步，会发生什么事。

但，如果人。。。学不会手放开，会是一种遗憾。

因为，每一天，每一秒。。。人生就像一列列的火车般。。

当火车开跑时，那一幕幕迅速的外景就会像人生般，一幕幕成为我们所谓的记忆。

如果停留着，或许。。。我们错过的不只单单美好的事物，更是一支支能够让我们掌握的钥匙。

冰沙的记忆会是我美好的过程。

感谢，他所给予我的成长。

谢谢你。

因为这一切的风云，虽来得快，偶尔的感觉会让我措手不及，偶尔的事物会让我后悔不堪，偶尔的傻事会让我觉得我应当鸵鸟，偶尔的无聊可能让你会觉得我的幼稚，我的可笑，更可能是我的可悲。

但是，我还是想要谢谢你。

谢谢你填满了我其中一列的火车厢。

而这一列也就被命名为冰沙的记忆。