#Last strike :(

A gloomy day~
Today was the worst day ever....
Why am I trying to tell him?? It was like too much man!!! My God!
I guess after today...we will forever lost contact.... :(
Basically I told him how I felt. Why am I so stupid!!! :(
Honestly no jokes and I guess I no longer need to hide or deny.
Yes true! I like YOU. Falling to you was the stupidest thing I ever done, the awkward moment and the rebellious act.

That was because falling to you is the stupidest thing I ever done as through out my history...
If it was last time...I won't tell you and don't even hope that I will write anything about my feeling because I don't hope that I will lost someone that I like but loosing him as a friend. At least rational is still with me...but somehow, falling to you it seem that my rational no longer with me and getting much more stupid. I tell myself not to care more but eventually I care much more than last time.

The awkward moments was I don't know why...I just like the feeling when you are beside me, I like the feeling that you hugs me..I just like the feeling when you are with me even though I heard a lots of your past, even though you smoke, even though you sisha. I don't know... I remembered someone told me, you should find a partner which can made you to be a better person. I don't know..I always with the feeling of standing in the middle of the crossing road because I don't know will there be someone that I wish to waiting for me on the other end of the road if I cross it or everything is just a fairy tales which I always tend that fairy tales bring disappointment. This is why I feel awkward. Besides, another awkward moment was when you know about my past. and I guess you will think that I'm actually creating stories to get empathy or sympathy..eventually you might be laughing right now..that's why I don't tell about myself to anyone, I rather keep it as a secret but I don't know why am I telling you most of it...I don't need empathy or sympathy...

Rebellious..that was because my parents totally don't agree that I'm in relationship when I'm still study, and I'm should be the girl who always listen to my parents as usual. Somehow, I found out that I no longer listening as I hope that at least something that I can make out of my own decision and eventually lots of people think that we don't suit each other as I'm not your type and asked me to let go..get rid of it...but I don't know..
I was like an idiot sound like peace but don't seem like peace in mind. Tend to tell that I don't care but i care much more that last time. Hope that you will know what I'm thinking eventually I 'm the one who lost my own self. 

You said I stabbed you in your heart...really?? Haiz...I didn't hear anything from you eventually I'm the one who speak much more than you do. Do you really care about what we going to be? I am always ask myself and telling myself..this must be the last time and it shouldn't be happening again...no more care about it..no more tears and peace in my mind. :(
I guess you won't reply my messages and i guess after today we will just end like that and you will be my history.

I guess that will be my last time to express myself before I get back into my own boxes, my own reality...as is you lead me out of it, is you let me wish that you can be my side when I'm sick or when I felt darkness. you was the one of the reason that I rejected another him. That day, actually I hope that you will asked me to reject him, eventually the funniest thing was you asked me to be with him if I'm comfortable with it. You encourage me.. Honestly, I'm sad towards that answer that you gave. Do you know that I felt much more comfortable when I was with you and when you was by my side? Eventually I hope that you will asked me to stay with you but you didn't....I guess I should really move off. Even though we don't speak much when we are together but I love the moment when only left me and you. I'm a noob. I'm really a noob and an idiot. Just give me some time...I will move off from your life and I will no longer message you.

I told you that my heart is in ICU and gasping for air...eventually I'm struggling. I don't know what I have done is a right or a wrong like now.. Eventually I remember you said sometimes peoples are single and unavailable is just because they don't hope to get involve...I guess you are telling that we are impossible. I respect that...You have nothing to be sorry...If really wanna say sorry I guess I should be one...Sorry for disturbing you...I always knew that I won't be that lucky. The case with Gregory and now..you... I should know that and I should knew it from the very beginning that love always don't belong to me. Primary, secondary and now..Love always scared of me...it's sound like I don't deserve it. haha~ :(

I don't know...I wish you luck, my good mate...I only hope that you will happy.
I don't meant to make your life miserable or hard...as I don't hope to be another Christine...
But I hope that we will still..remained friendship forever?? a good mate, friend???
What ever it is...I'm tired...
I believed that I m still not that stupid until don't know what is happening as I'm not that thick face fella...and I don't think that I can be that strong forever.. so yea~
one short let me gg.com, I guess that will be a greatest choice...
I guess no one is perfect...but though, it is incredible how a person enters your life and changes your perspective on the present and even future! thank you...
Appreciate things that you have done. Wish you luck~ *from my bottom of my heart*
I guess I'm the stupidest person you ever met...are you laughing at me?? Even though I, myself started to laugh at myself...Scolding myself...stupid sheryi stupid sheryi...